Baby number two?

It’s 2am. She’s wide awake. I know I’m in this for the long haul. She’s not going back to sleep.  This will involve us going downstairs and playing until she’s sleepy and I can start the process of rocking her to sleep. I have to get up at 6:30am. I have back to back meetings. Will we be lucky tonight and be back in bed by 4am?  I purposely don’t look at the clock. When my alarm goes off a couple of hours later I feel like I’ve been asleep for two minutes.  I feel tired.  I feel bloody old.

Lately I’ve been giving serious consideration to the idea of having another child, now that the hideousness of child birth is but a lingering memory (only took 14 months) and our breast feeding fiasco, sorry journey, is behind us (I loved it really but MAN was that hard work).  There’s a big part of me that wants her to have a brother or sister but I honestly don’t know if I can go through this again.

Here is where my head is at:

Age: I’m 36 (nearly 37).  How old is too old for another baby?  I know that women have babies into their late forties now but I’m talking in terms of energy levels.  You can’t deny that you start to feel tired much more quickly as those years tick by.  I had Willow when I was 35. Should I have decided to have children younger when I had more energy or was I right to wait and get a bit of life experience under my belt?  I think that by waiting a little longer I have some smidges of wisdom that I hope to pass on to her and any future child we might have (although god knows this is a VERY different  world to the one I grew up in).  I spent my twenties travelling and hanging out at music festivals.  In my early thirties I built my career.  I’m glad I can set an example for Willow so that she will grow up knowing that she too has the right to make her own life choices about when she starts a family.

Experience: I think the prospect of having another baby is a bit more daunting now I truly know the impact it has on your life.  Gone is the naïve first time pregnant lady with her dreams of strapping the child onto her back and heading off round the world whipping her boob out on demand and having a thoroughly jolly time.  In reality I was ‘crying hysterically at dropping my breast pad in the toilet’ lady who quite frequently had to be peeled off the ceiling by various friends and family.  On the flip side experience could work in our favour as we will be much more prepared on a practical level (we’ve kept all Willow’s baby ‘stuff’ which is probably quite telling in itself about our thoughts on having more children.  Children?  Plural? Hang on a second….)  We would also be slightly less blind sided by the sleep deprivation, colic and cracked nipples (not so much the latter for Anthony).

Finances:  As much as it pains me to say it we would have to think very carefully about if we can afford another baby right now.  Our budget is worked out to the penny.  We certainly can’t afford two lots of nursery fees so if we do decide to go for it we really should wait until Willow is three when we get help with childcare costs.  The last thing I want is for us to be distracted and worried about money when we should be soaking in the bliss of having a newborn in the house (time does really make you forget the reality doesn’t it?)

The existing child. She. Never. Stops. It’s a hundred miles an hour from the moment she wakes (at 5am) to the moment she goes to bed. She’s a little clever clogs and needs constant stimulation or starts rioting. How on earth would I be able to care for two at the same time? I’d be outnumbered and outwitted at every turn. How to you stop a toddler undressing and putting her clothes in the kitchen bin while breastfeeding a new born? (Maybe you don’t?)

A while back I read read Little Love and Sunshine’s awesome blog ‘To the Thirty Something Mums’ so I revisited it while writing this post. It gave me some perspective and a little bit of hope.  Yes, we’re tired, no we’re not wafty, nubile twenty somethings anymore but this too shall pass.  One day we will be rested and be able to look back on these hectic days and realise how wonderful it actually all is.

Am I overthinking it? Should I take advice from Nike and ‘just do it’? I’d love to hear about your experiences of the reality of having baby number two (and don’t hold back on my account).

Speak soon,

Kat x

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14 thoughts on “Baby number two?

  1. It’s hard, I hear ya! But my god it’s so rewarding too. I feel sad my child bearing journey is well and truly over and despite the most horrendous (almost 12 months) if I could rewind time and inhale her newborn scent all over again and again and again, I so would! That little bubble of newborness, oh I miss it. You’re so not too old to have another one. If you’re heart is telling you to have another, then as Nike does say… just do it! I don’t for one minute think you will regret it. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah the newborn smell. My heart is saying do it – except on the 2am play party nights when it’s screaming nooooo! Sleep deprivation does all sorts of strange things to your head though doesn’t it? Things are always better in the morning. There’s just the small matter of convincing Anthony now…. x


  2. I feel like this when thinking of having another. I think it’s normal to worry. You have to do what’s right for you though and don’t feel pressured into what you think is the norm xx #postsfromtheheart

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading. Its reassuring to know other people feel the same way. I know I sometimes think too much about things but when it comes to having a happy, (relatively) stress free family life then these things are important. Hope all goes well for you if you do decide to go for number two xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It took me nearly nine years to go for baby number too, mainly for all of the reasons you listed above, he’s now nine months and if I’m honest I’d have baby number three in a heartbeat (though the Orher Half) would probably have something to say about it! I guess what I’m trying to say is that the lack of being blindsided makes life a million times easier the second time around. Thank you so much for sharing this post at #PostsFromTheHeart I’m sure it’s something that many women will relate to.

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  4. Oh wow. I totally hear you. I had my first baby at 38 and we only planned on having one. Then I got pregnant with number two when she was 9 months old. I loved the baby stage and was really pleased to find out I was pregnant again, but it was a complete shock when our eldest hit the 12 month mark. Strong personality, pulling everything out of drawers like your daughter, wailing for whatever she wanted – basically a proper stroppy toddler. I did wonder what the heck we were letting ourselves in for. I had also returned to work already 14 weeks pregnant (that went down well!) and wondered how on earth we’d cope in our two bed flat!

    Anyway, along came baby no 2 when I was 40 – so we had 2 under 2 for 6 months earlier this year. What a shocker. It was hard work, I don’t deny it (my eldest only went to nursery one day a week and I don’t have any family around to help). I didn’t breastfeed either of mine (mainly because I couldn’t for health purposes) and I was perma exhausted with night awakenings (both of them frequently) and I definitely feel like I’ve aged in these last 2 years. BUT!!! (of course, the but) Here we are with my 2yr3m old daughter and 9 month old son and we are complete. They love each other, they giggle together, they make me laugh so much. Both are now sleeping through the night (only just! I had to go cold turkey on the night milk a few weeks ago but it worked after a few days of torture). Today we all went swimming together and it was lovely. I can’t wait to see my son up and about and the two of them will be off together when we go to the park. I can see the easier days are in sight and how the short-term sleep deprivation will have been worth it in the long-term. I was also massively worried about the cost of childcare. We’ve ended up hiring a live-in nanny (we’re moving house soon. Ironically it’s a lot cheaper to buy a house with an extra bedroom for a nanny rather than pay for full time daycare nursery for two kids!!!) I’m taking the long-term view of sucking up the cost over the next 2-3 years and living off pasta and having staycations. It’s true when people say you’ll find a way. Somehow, you just do. You’ll know in your heart of hearts what’s right. That feeling of wanting another baby can become quite strong. Good luck lovely, Ruth.
    p.s. sorry for the long response!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there! Thank you so much for reading and for this response. It’s so reassuring to know that other parents have thought and felt the same things as me. In some respects it’s a no brainer as my instinct and heart are telling me to have another child. It’s just the financial aspect that really worries me but I guess as you say we would muddle through and still be alright – if absolutely shattered! xx


  5. Well we stopped at one so I can’t give you much advice on baby number 2! By the time I’d gotten over a traumatic birth, a baby with colic and the stress of going back to work I was mid 30s and we just decided that we couldn’t face doing it all over again! Occasionally I wonder if it was the right decision but deep down I know it was. #sharingthebloglove

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  6. I agonised over this decision for ages! It wasn’t until my son was over 2 that I even started contemplating it again, but it took a lot longer before I came to a decision on it. I was very sick during my first pregnancy and that was the biggest factor for me – thinking about handling a toddler while going through that just wasn’t something I could face. And my son is a very demanding little boy who needs lots of attention. And I definitely felt the pressure of time with it too – I wasn’t getting any younger. But eventually my wish to give him a little brother or sister overtook all my worries and we went for it. Took us a bit longer this time too, so I’m glad we didn’t put it off. I’m over halfway through this pregnancy now and I can’t wait until our next little one arrives. My first will be just over 3, so a nice age gap I think – financially it’s definitely a consideration, although he won’t qualify for any free nursery hours until he’s 3.5 annoyingly! Whatever you decide, I’m sure it’ll be the right decision for you. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. Thanks for this. I’ve had so much great advice from parents who have already been through this and considered he sane things as us. Number two is def on the cards, I don’t think there ever is a perfect time or situation to have another baby. For now we’re going to wait a little longer and enjoy our Willow time as much as we can x


  7. Everyone always told us here was no RIGHT time to have a baby. But for us there was and I’m so glad we did t when we did. It meant we were financially stable for me to become a SAHM. We are 2.5 years in and I alway said I wanted them close together. It hasn’t worked out like that. Health and alike have made us not want to. Finally starting to seriously think about it (once I’ve lost 3 stone first) but I still wonder how little man will deal with it. He’ll get over it though 😜 Me on the other hand…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree – you need to be in a good financial state or it becomes a struggle and family life shouldn’t be like that. We’re going to try again at the end of summer. Willow is sleeping through now so it’s got a little easier. Fingers crossed…. thanks for reading x

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