Current mood: Exhausted (am embroiled in running battle with little lady to keep her in her cot at night. She’s winning. Actually she’s pulverised all my defences and I’m waving a white flag).
Number of times I’ve cried: 1 (but that was at a tiny baby in ASDA when I got all nostalgic for when Willow was tiny).
Number of new outfits for my friends birthday party: 0 because maternity pay sucks!
So I’ve been stressing about buying new clothes for when I go back to work because obviously I want to waft into the office looking all fab, tailored and new parent ‘I’m coping really well’ glowy. Hmmm… a tall order but don’t worry my lovely friend, Sarah, who is a Bodyshop at home rep has ordered me some peachy glow BB cream which she has assured me will work wonders. I’ve also ordered a couple of pairs of cigarette trousers from ASOS so I think I have the wafty, glowy part mostly covered. What I’ve neglected to think about is what the hell underwear am I going to wear; more specifically bras?
When, pre arrival of baby, I was working out how much maternity leave to take I naively thought that as soon as we started weaning then this breastfeeding business would stop. Wrong!! Honestly the amount I did not know about babies before I had one is shocking. Come to think of it I still don’t know very much but anyway… The time has come for me to go back to work and I am still breastfeeding. Not as much in the day because the gorgeous little gannet loves her food and will wolf down anything you put in front of her but the night feeds continue with a vengeance. There is definitely no end in sight. Little milky vampire.
Here’s my quandary. I’ve never been particularly well endowed but when my milk first came in I reached the giddy heights of a C cup – hallelujah! However after a feed I shrink back down to an A/B cup but never the same size on each side. I live in a permanent state of boob wonkiness. So what on earth bra size do I go for? What could I wear underneath my wafty work clothes that will accommodate an A/B/C ish cup and breast pads. I’m envisaging getting to Dolly Parton proportions during the first few days back as I adjust to not feeding her during the day and I’m more than expecting leakage of some kind (probably in an important return to work meeting where I’m trying to impress colleagues and convince them I don’t have mum brain).
I’ve been scouring the internet and have bypassed nursing bras because they are mostly hideous and go lumpy when not full of milky boob. Instead I’ve opted for a set of soft cup triangle bras from ASOS. They are a bit like wearing a bikini but are stretchy so they look smooth underneath your clothes and (I hope) will accommodate my fluctuating size. You can just about squeeze a breast pad into them and they can be easily pulled aside for an emergency feed (trust me, I’ve had to exercise this in the library of all places and the cups do easily push out of the way).
Outwardly then that’s me sorted; undies (I’m keeping hold of the mum knickers – comfort rules now), clothes and makeup have all been dealt with. Now I just have to work on the inward nervousness and desire to call and say I’m not going back and make Anthony get a second job. It might be worth an ask??